I Can't Shake You
by sunsetwarbler18
Summary: Five years has passed, and Jackie and Catherine live different lives. Never far from each other's thoughts, it is no surprise they willingly connect when Catherine passes through L.A. Their passion is unavoidable and it comes at a high cost.
1. Chapter 1

Well I noticed there wasn't much Bloomington fan-fiction online. So I decided to write a kick-ass story to satisfy all those viewers who were displeased with the film's ending. Things might get steamy later… so if that offends you, you might want to stop reading here. Let's be honest, I know you won't ;)

Five years had past since Catherine was let go from Bloomington college, and though it was painful on so many levels, it offered Catherine a new start. She immediately packed her bags, dipped into her vast inheritance, and re-located to a small, but luxurious flat in New York. In the months following, she became flooded with new responsibilities: arranging the sale of her mansion in Bloomington, re-connecting with old academic contacts, and exploring the large and vibrant city. She never expected to make such a drastic change, but she thanked herself later for it, considering that staying in Bloomington might have thrown her into a deep depression. She was a woman on the move, and considered herself a survivor. She had lost both her parents and still survived, and she subsequently lost a lover, and she would survive that too.

"Lost" was, of course, metaphorical, and often Catherine found herself being reminded of that fact by seeing Jackie's face on magazines and television. Three years had past but Catherine still felt the gentle tug of grief whenever she saw Jackie's smile. What made it worse was that Jackie was so long gone from her life that it was as if she had never existed in the first place. Did she feel the same for me as I did for her, all those years ago? Does she still think of me from time to time? Or have I ceased to exist in her world?

Catherine, walking down fifth avenue with her shopping bags in hand, felt these questions resurface, as they did from time to time. And, like the strong woman she was, she immediately stopped those thoughts and buried them. She supposed if she ever encountered herself in a private psychological consultation she would diagnose herself as "an individual in denial of her repressed feelings for a past lesbian lover."

She almost laughed out loud but thought better of it. She heard distant church chimes marking the turn of one-oclock, and she cursed to herself: she had a meeting with her agent in half an hour and lost track of time shopping. A new outfit for her book release was important, but not as important as actually planning it – and her agent would be pissed if she was late.

"Now Catherine, this is your first book release and you have to be prepared to answer questions from the press. They can be pretty nasty sometimes, especially those New York reporters," John, her agent, said as he leaned back in his office chair.

"My book is about abnormal psychological methods and post-traumatic stress disorder, what could the press possibly say that would throw me off? I am the expert here," she retorted, smirking.

"Well, it's understandable you think that, but let me throw some curve balls at you now, so you can be prepared for them later, yes?"

"Try me."

John straightened up and looked squarely into Catherine's crisp blue eyes. Catherine sensed the man might have enjoyed looking at her more than he let on.

"Ms Catherine, the unfortunate death of your parents was tragic and had likely effected you psychologically. Your book will obviously contribute to scholarly discussions in psychology, but has writing it helped you with your own greif?"

"They won't ask that, John, I'm not a celebrity. I'm a boring psychologist and writer."

"Yeah but you're probably the most attractive psychologist and writer they've ever seen. You have to be ready for these questions, Catherine, just in case. And it's my job to make sure you do."

Catherine raised her eyebrows in speculation. "Fine, I'll think of an answer later. What else you got?"

"Ms Catherine, you have tainted past of conflicts in your professional career. You have previously lost a professor position on the grounds of lewd relationships with your students. Do you –"

"Stop there, John. I highly doubt they are going to say anything like that," Catherine raised her hand and narrowed her eyes. She was growing irritable.

"But Catherine, they might, listen to what I am telling you –"

"Then I'll pass the question and move to the next one."

"Passing a question is still a decision. It can be made to look like you're hiding something. It's bad PR!"

"Then I'll tell them that my book has nothing to do with my past as a teacher, it has everything to do with the hard work and quality research I have done."

John sighed and tapped his pen on the desk, shaking his head. He seemed to be forming words in his head. Catherine thought he looked pretty ugly in that moment. Unattractive and slow.

"Catherine, I understand your frustration with me asking you these questions. At the end of the day, you can do whatever you want, despite my warnings. What I need you to take away from this is that the press can be vicious, and they will take any story and try to spin it into a new one. And with regards to Jacqueline Kirk –"

"What about Jacqueline Kirk?" She interrupted sharply, feeling most of her patience leaving her instantly. Why is Jackie following her everywhere? Always in her thoughts, but now in this office? In the open?

"We both know that there are photos of you and Jacqueline Kirk. You might be ignoring the news and online blogs, but those photos have resurfaced as a result of her fame. Nothing else has come of it, and that was years ago, but don't think the press have forgotten. They might ask about them. I mean, heck, they might even ask if you're a lesbian!"

"I think we're done here, John." Catherine stood and began putting her notes in her bag.

"Fine. Just think about what I said. Remember, in the press release you need to talk about your upcoming talks in Washington, Chicago, and LA. Your LA one is first so you need to be ready."

"Yup. In eleven days, I know." She was putting on her jacket and moving towards the door.

"Oh and Catherine?"

Hand on the door, posture upright and irritated expression, she looked puzzlingly at John.

"There's a party tonight, at a friends place on the upper-east side. Good people, good food, good wine. Why not come with me? It'll be good for you. You might meet a nice guy or something, you know, someone to miss while you're gone traveling." John smiled and opened his arms.

Her hand tightened on the doorframe. "Parties aren't my thing, you know that. And I'm not interested in meeting any _guy_. I'm no longer interested in meeting a nice _guy_. Is that a clear enough answer for you John?"

With that, she closed the door behind her, not waiting for an answer.

Next chapter will be from Jackie's POV in L.A… will she go unscathed by Catherine's presence in L.A as she promotes her book? You probably already know the answer! If you want to hear more, please comment and/or favorite!


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Hey! Here's anouther chapter, this time from Jackie's POV. Happy reading!

Man, those cameras were bright!

It took everything in Jackie not to begin squinting her eyes and turning away as the hundreds of pictures were taken. Her PR team would lose it if she did.

She was walking (more like shuffling) down the red carpet at her new film opening gala, wearing the tightest tube dress she had ever worn in her life. She remembered trying it on a month ago, standing uncomfortably in front of a mirror with her agent Maria at her side, wondering how she would even be able to breath in it. Maria had squealed in delight seeing Jackie all dolled up.

Jackie remembered looking at her reflection and agreeing with Maria, but she somberly likened the dress she wore with a beautiful mask made to hide a monster.

She knew she was being over dramatic, but to the paparazzi, lesbianism in a celebrity actress needed to be exposed. Like ripping off a mask without asking. She couldn't let it happen – she was no Ellen, she was no Chelly Wright. She just wanted to be left alone.

So she went along with what everyone expected of her – she talked about how cute some boys were with reporters, stayed away from any gay clubs and bars, and squeezed into tiny dresses that made her indistinguishable from any other Hollywood actress. Looking at herself in the mirror, she knew she could get any guy she wanted: over the years she had lost the fat in her cheeks and toned into a gorgeous woman (from what people have told her, anyways). The problem was that she didn't want a man to complete her. The idea repulsed her.

"Honey, honey," Maria would begin to sound Spanish (and she was, but very Americanized) when she was frustrated with Jackie. "You need to take a handsome _man_ as your date. Not any of these pretty band boys. You are a A-Lister now! Why don't you take your co-star? He's single you know."

Jackie would cover her eyes are sigh whenever she heard this – and it happened often. In truth, Jackie was only interested in doing her job on set, not any of the extra stuff. The dates, the interviews, the galas, the openings, the cameras, the dresses – she knew her other colleagues loved the attention, but really, she could care less.

So for the opening of her most recent film, starring herself and another notable actor, she chose to go single so she could dutifully struggle all by herself in her terrible get-up.

It was long. It was stuffy. By the end of the night, after the speeches, her shoes were off and she was joking around with some of the behind-the-scenes guys. She had a few drinks and for a while forgot about the big and dreaded "L" word.

"Remember when Gavin tried to lecture you on the psychology of acting and you put him right in his place? Poor guy had no idea who he was up against!" Her good friend Gavin laughed as he swallowed the last of his beer. He did most of the lighting for the entire film, and Jackie was happy to have him around.

"But seriously though, my friend, you were amazing in _A Story About a Girl_. The film just wouldn't have been as good without you in it." He grinned dopily.

"Aw thanks man, but it wasn't just all me, you know. You are being too nice."

"Nonsense," he reached over and grabbed a bottle of champagne to fill the empty glass in front of him. He cleared his throat. "So Jackie, I hear you are taking some time off until your next project, is that true?"

"It is. Where did you hear that from, the tabloids?"

He laughed. Another sip. "No… you see a little birdie told me. I think her name is Maria?"

"Oh gosh! What did she say to you?"

"Don't freak out! It was just a little innocent small-talk."

"What did she say?"

"Oh nothing important, just that you'd be taking some much-deserved time off, finally," he grinned and carefully emphasized the word "finally."

She raised an eyebrow and prompted him to continue (she noticed he was slurring a bit now): "Well you see, Maria made a great suggestion to me, Jackie. She suggested that I should take you out to do something fun on the town, you know, to help you unwind!"

Jackie sighed and crossed her arms, knowing immediately where this conversation was going.

"Hey now, don't look at me like that, hear me out first," he began to pour her a glass of champagne, and she didn't stop him. "I know you well enough now I think, and I know that you would probably hate the whole 'dinner-and-a-movie' thing. So I thought of something else…"

Jackie felt that familiar feeling of discomfort creep at the edges of her mind. She tried to focus on Gavin, but she became hyper aware of the surrounding crowd, and there obliviousness to what was happening to her. No, she was alone right now, just herself and this bearded man who was stuttering out a request for a date.

"You see, there is this wicked life science fair happening downtown Sunday morning. I've had my eye on it for a while, and until Maria mentioned something, I had no one to go with! There will be lot's of cool things to do and see there, don't you think?"

"Geeze, Gavin, I'm not sure…"

"Oh it'll be fun, you'll see. And think about it: Sunday morning at some lame science fair? That means no paparazzi. Easy," he smiled at her genuinely. "Oh pretty please won't you go with me?"

It might have been the champagne that numbed her ability to thwart off men, and turned her into aversion into apathy, but a part of her knew that she _should_ go out on a date. She _should_ do something normal, for once, even if secretly she didn't care to. In fact, if the paparazzi saw her going out with a guy that might just be a good thing. Keeping up the charade.

She breathed in. "Alright Gavin, I'll go with you."

He clapped his hands together in celebration, and silently, Jackie celebrated the conclusion of the tense moment.

Later that night, Jackie dreamed about having sex with her old lover, Catherine. Sometimes her sexual dream rendezvous would be with nameless women, beautiful faces that she could get lost in and at the same time not see clearly. But this time Catherine's face was clear as she mounted atop of Jackie's body, and she could feel her own raw nakedness and vulnerability. She couldn't recall all the details, just the feelings of desire coupled with an inability to control herself. And a rhythm. A slow, rocking rhythm that made her hotter and hotter. Catherine's essence washed over her, atop her, inside her.

Jackie awoke clutching the bed sheets, and cried out in both pleasure and frustration. It took a few seconds to realize that she was all alone.

The clock read 3 am, and the full moon was casting an eerie light across the floor through her bedroom window. Jackie's breathing slowed.

She reached out to the space on the bed beside her, feeling its emptiness. She wondered for how long she could go on like this – and before she could think of an answer, she was drifting back into a restless sleep.

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	3. Chapter 3

****** Here's the next installment, happy reading!

CHAPTER 3

"Rough night last night?" Jackie asked, leaning inside Gavin's car window. She couldn't help to notice his posture: flopped over the wheel in a resting position, which was unlikely behavior for anyone waiting to pick someone else up. His head snapped up in surprise.

"What? Oh no. Of course not. I won't do that," he unlocked the doors, "Come on, jump in!"

"Yeah sure," she chuckled.

It was a beautiful Sunday morning in L.A; the humidity had ebbed and the sun was just peaking over the palm trees. They pulled out of the gates (Jackie valued her security), and saw the quintessential morning joggers and dog-walkers roaming the neighborhood. Jackie breathed in the dewy air through the open window: she loved mornings.

"Wow, this is some neighborhood you live in." Gavin said off-handedly. They were driving by one hidden mansion after another.

Twenty minutes later, after weaving through the typical weekend traffic, they arrived at where the life science convention would take place downtown. Jackie was excited to get her inner-nerd on – she had to admit that Gavin thought of a great date idea. Even if the date ended up not going the way he wanted it (and she knew it wouldn't), than at least they could say they had a fun time.

"I read in the news that this was happening all weekend and I thought it might be really fun," Gavin said to her as they both climbed out of the parked car. "And I know that you took science at your old college, er, what was it called again?"

"Bloomington," she answered. It took only a second for the word to call up memories. More like a flash of feelings with no images to match; she was quick to suppress them.

"Yeah, Bloomington, that's it. Anyways, there's gonna be over a hundred booths here from different institutions, with cool inventions I think."

"Neat! Let's go!"

They spent the rest of the morning exploring the convention center and the elaborate layout of booths. There were so many live demonstrations to see: the coolest ones being robots and chemistry experiments (in Jackie's opinion, anyways). Many notable colleges were represented, along with some wealthy companies showing off their new discoveries. By the time one o'clock came, Jackie was exhausted.

"Should we ditch this show and get some lunch?" Gavin asked her as they walked towards the exist.

"Yeah, for sure."

She heard an applause erupt from inside a room, and Jackie curiously looked towards it: it was an small auditorium attached to the convention center where guest speakers discussed a chosen topic. She was not so interested in seeing one of those (she never even looked at the speaker schedule), but she just happened to now look at the current posted information by the auditorium entrance:

12:45pm to 1:30pm – "TREATING POST-TRAUMATIC STRESS

DISORDER IN UNCONVENTIONAL WAYS."

SPEAKER: CATHERINE STARK, MD.

Jackie did a double take and read the sign over again. Then a triple-take, then a forth. She almost choked when the realization hit her.

_SPEAKER: CATHERINE STARK, MD. _

No… it couldn't be. Not her.

Could it be possible there were two Catherine Starks in the medical field? Two Catherine Starks that studied abnormal psychology, and that the one Jackie didn't know was actually speaking in that auditorium?

Jackie already knew the answer. No. It was her.

"Hey, are you okay?" Gavin said behind her, and she realized she had stopped dead in her tracks. He moved to her side, "you seem pretty focused on that room there. Wanna go check it out?"

No, I don't, Jackie thought. I do and I don't. I don't want to check out the room because I don't want to see her face again… but I do want to go in because, just maybe, I need to see her again. To know that she actually existed in my life. To know that what I felt five years ago with her was actually real, and not a dream.

Her heart was pounded. She was afraid she'd sound out of breath.

"Jackie?"

She blinked. "Er yes, Gavin, Sorry."

He looked at her with confusion.

"Yes, I mean, I'd like to go check it out," Jackie grabbed his arm and moved through the doors.

He didn't have a chance to respond, because suddenly they were in a very quiet, medium-sized auditorium. Many of the seats were empty so they could quickly slip into the back row unnoticed. The room was dark and cool, and in the corner of her eye she could see that there was a digital presentation going on at the front. Jackie sat down with Gavin but didn't relax: she kept her posture straight and her chin up, searching past the other listening people.

It didn't take long to spot her; although it had been five years since she last saw her, Jackie thought Catherine didn't look like she aged a day. Her blonde hair was pulled back as usual from her eyes and she wore an extremely flattering beige power suit. As usual Catherine sauntered around the stage like she owned it, and she really did, because Jackie couldn't think of anyone who could ignore such a beautiful, demanding, and powerful woman.

My God, she is so sexy, Jackie was thinking. And: oh my God, I can't believe I'm in the same room as her right now.

Gavin leaned over to her and whispered in her ear: "Sorry, but do you understand anything she is saying? We're like at the end of the presentation."

Without her eyes leaving Catherine, Jackie whispered back: "Sort of."

That was a lie. She wasn't really listening to anything Catherine was saying: just the smooth, velvety sound of her voice. She sensed Gavin wasn't satisfied with her answer.

"Well, not really. But she used to be a professor of mine, in Bloomington. I was friends with her." Another lie.

"Oh I see," he nodded his head. "That's pretty neat that she's here at this convention too. You should go talk to her after."

The presentation didn't go on for too much longer and Catherine finished up by talking a bit about her new book. Meanwhile Jackie sat still in her seat, still following her with her unfaltering gaze, and still in shock that fate intertwined their paths once more. Her heart was pounding.

The MC, a short older man with a nasally voice, thanked Catherine and shook her hand as the crowd applauded.

"Thank you Ms. Stark for sharing your research and ideas with us today. If anyone would like to purchase her new book, Ms. Stark will be doing free signings at our 'Speakers Booth' in the outside hallway. We have now a short time for some quick questions – anyone?" He moved his head, looking around. "Yes, you in the back."

Oh no. The man sitting one seat in front and to the left had his hand up. She's going to see me, Jackie thought franticly. She had a crazy idea run through her head that she should duck behind the seats.

But she didn't. And Catherine saw her. Not right away, but definitely within a few seconds of listening to the man sitting in front of Jackie. Their eyes met, and a bolt of electricity shot through Jackie and sizzled right to her toes. She wanted to look away, avert her eyes, but she just couldn't, and so she just sat there motionless.

Catherine, being as cool as she was, held Jackie's gaze for a second too long and then proceeded to smoothly answer the man's question without faltering. The corners of her lips had turned up into a smug look. Jackie was hoping she perhaps didn't recognize her, but she definitely did, since she looked back and met her gaze several more times in the remaining ten minutes of the question period.

"So are you going to go say hi?" Gavin asked her as they left the auditorium. People were shuffling out behind them, talking amongst themselves. She could tell some of those people looked at her extra long, most likely recognizing her. She couldn't stay there too much longer.

Jackie, however, couldn't deny the inexplicable pull that tugged her toward Catherine. It happened before at Bloomington, and it was happening again. It made her knees weak to think of what something like this could lead to.

Then again, it could go horribly wrong. They never really did part on the best of terms. What if Catherine dismissed her? Coolly brushed her off?

What did she really want? Jackie didn't know. She was being driven by some primal urge at this point.

So yes, she was going engage with Catherine again.

"Um, yeah, I'm just going to go say hi to her real quick," Jackie smiled. "You can wait hear if you'd like, I'll be only a couple of minutes."

Her heart was beating. Her palms were beginning to sweat. She had to wipe them when she was bought Catherine's book from the vender outside the 'Speaker's Booth.' She approached the table, getting in a line with about four people in front of her.

Before she had a chance to chicken out, Catherine made eye contact with her and smiled. Like before, it made her shiver, and she couldn't help but to smile back excitedly.

"It's a surprise to see you here, Jackie, I didn't think you were into these kind of events anymore." Catherine said bluntly – still with a smirk on her face - as Jackie stepped in front of her. God, she was a beautiful woman.

"Sure I am," she responded. "It's nice to see you again, and congratulations on your book."

"Thanks, this is my first stop then I have to go to Chicago, to do this thing all over again," she sighed. "But I still have a few days to enjoy the L.A sun, at least. Do you want me to sign that book?"

Jackie handed it over, strangely happy to abide by Catherine's requests. Then she thought: wait a minute, she said she'd be staying in L.A over the next few days… is Catherine dropping the hint that they should get together? She knew Catherine could be quite cryptic, and most of the time Jackie could never decode her desires.

Regardless, Jackie knew deep down what she wanted. If she said nothing, and never suggested anything, Catherine would walk right out of her life just as she had done to her five years ago. She wanted to talk with Catherine more; she wanted to soak her in. Beyond that she had no clue what she wanted, and time moved much quicker than her perplexed thoughts.

Just do it.

"Er, well did you want to do something?" She blurted out. Nope. Bad start. She could feel blood rushing to her cheeks. "I mean, since you're only going to be in L.A for a few days, why not have me show you around? I am a local."

There was an awkward pause between them and Catherine stopped writing in the book, but remained in a frozen pose, thinking. It felt like an eternity. Then, with continued sophistication, she resumed writing and opened her full lips.

"That's a very generous offer, Jackie, but I can easily show myself around L.A," she paused. "plus I wouldn't want to pull you away from your busy work schedule, and I wouldn't want to make you do anything you don't want to do."

Wait, was she talking about meeting up, or something else?

"But perhaps we can schedule something, in the future, at your convenience," she handed the close book back to her, with another smile. A true professional. "Thanks for coming out today, Jackie, and giving me your support."

Jackie swallowed and nodded, turning away quickly. She could feel the heat in her cheeks and scolded herself for becoming so transparent. When she really needed her strength and confidence the most, Catherine still easily undid her, like an easy tug at a shoelace.

She took a few steps away, far enough to disappear in the crowd of people. She then opened the book and looked at the inside page. First her signature, and then:

"THINKING OF RELAPSING? 777-857-1047"

Jackie snapped the book shut, washed in waves of conflicting emotions.

**** Like it? Hate it? Comment!


	4. Chapter 4

Hey folks! I recently moved so I wasn't able to post this chapter as quick as I wanted to. More will come sooner, now that I'm all settled in! Also, thanks to those of you who left lovely comments :)

…..

CHAPTER 4

Back in her hotel, Catherine sat at her desk, quietly mulling over the day's events. She pushed off her glossy heals and unpinned her hair, sighing. She unconsciously grabbed the complimentary pen in front of her and tapped it on the wood surface of the desk.

She wondered if Jackie would actually call.

Furthermore, she wondered what the heck she herself was thinking. Spending the last five years continuously pushing the girl out of her mind, and constantly resenting seeing her face on posters and tabloids – never mind her deep regret for getting involved with her all those years ago – why had she completely cracked when Jackie approached her?

She knew she was unprepared for Jackie's forwardness at the convention. Five years ago, when the awkward girl demanded her attention in the hallways of Bloomington, she felt the same feelings of being caught off-guard. And the same feeling of intrigue.

She considered the differences between five years ago and now: in Bloomington she had the time then to 'settle' with Jackie, to get comfortable, but now there was no time. Catherine was leaving in three days.

No time to get comfortable again.

Another difference: Jackie had lost her vaguely childlike features, and had slimmed into a gorgeous woman. She was much more beautiful in person than the images Catherine saw in the media.

Jackie was absolutely and undeniably sexy.

Catherine stopped tapping her pen on the desk and leaned back in her chair, sighing. She thought of the last time she had sex, which was far enough in the past than she was willing to admit. She needed to get laid, and she wondered if Jackie was thinking the same thing.

But was it really the right thing to do?

Before she could contemplate the issue further, her cell began to buzz in her pocket. Looking at the clock, she saw it read eight o'clock – definitely too late for her manager to be calling. Catherine pulled the phone out and confirmed her suspicion; it was a local California number.

"Hello?"

A brief silence. Catherine thought she heard a sigh.

"Hello –"

"Hey, sorry. It's me Jackie."

"Hey Porcupine," Catherine smiled and brushed back her blonde hair, suddenly feeling elated. "Wasn't sure if you were going to call or not."

A smile was shining through Jackie's voice: "Yeah, well I did. It was really good to see you there at the show."

"Are you surprised I still had a career after Bloomington?" Catherine laughed, only half kidding.

"What? No, that's not what I meant. I mean it was actually nice seeing you, it's been a really long time."

"It has. Did you miss me?"

A silence. Jackie was not one to blubber at direct questions, even if it was Catherine who asked them in her intimidating way.

"Yes. I did."

"But you never called."

"Well neither did you," she was quick to retort back. "Plus, wasn't I the one to call you just now?"

Catherine laughed in amusement. "Yes, alright, you're right."

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Hmm, tomorrow?" Catherine leaned back, the corners of her mouth turned up in a smirk. "Tomorrow I'm busy."

"You're busy tomorrow," Jackie sounded confused.

"I am."

"I thought you said you were going to be in L.A for a few days."

"I am. But I didn't say I was free, did I?"

Catherine bit her lip in playful amusement. Silence of the other end of the line. Was Jackie disappointed? Or was she just waiting for Catherine to admit that she was joking?

"But… I think I could free up some time for you, " Catherine finally said with a tone of humor. "In between all of my necessary human feedings of course."

Another laugh through the phone. "Of course, you are a vampire after all. So whatever time is safe for you."

Catherine was pleased she was playing along. Then again, she always did, unlike some others who would confuse her humor with cruelty.

Another silence came between them, though this time not a silence rooted from uncertainty or confusion. It was a bit heavier, and although no dialogue was uttered, it contained within it bits and pieces of what should be said, or what was never said before. Catherine thought in her mind of a plump sac or balloon full of water, growing bigger every second, threatening to burst.

Jackie was the first to stop the filling of the bubble, but she wasn't the one holding the pin.

"Well, I'll text you my address. Why don't you come in the morning? I'll show you around, then we'll go do something fun."

"Alright. That sounds good to me."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow then."

"Okay Jackie, have a good night –"

" – you too Catherine. Bye."

Silence. Catherine clenched her fist. She was the one holding the pin after all.

"Wait, Porcupine," she put the same hand on her forehead. "I just wanted you to know I missed you too. I really did."

She didn't wait for a response; she pressed "end call" a second after, keeping her head lowered and against her palm.

Such a disruption in emotions came so rarely that Catherine felt extremely uneasy. It was like taking a shovel and digging up memories she declared as dead a long time ago. At the beginning of their phone conversation Catherine was excited and confident, wanting to set up a brief sexual encounter. No expectations, no strings attached.

But now she was unsure. Nervous, even.

The burden of holding the pin rested with her all night and in her dreams. She had a hard time sleeping, and in the morning she awoke from a terrible nightmare. In it she was piloting a plane, doomed to crash. The passengers were screaming in distress, telling her to save them, but she couldn't: the wheel was pure stone, unmovable to her frantic wrenching. Somewhere behind her she thought she heard the voices of her mother, father, and brother.

She awoke drenched in sweat, gasping. Was it really them? Their voices?

But all of these feelings, layered and writhing, dissipated when Catherine saw her face the next morning. Jackie was standing and waving enthusiastically at the top of the driveway as she pulled past the gates with her rental car.

Catherine stopped the car and pulled out the keys, sitting still for a moment watching Jackie's smile.

"Well, come on," she beamed, holding a dishtowel in her hand. "We've got a big day ahead of us, no time to waste!"

Catherine smiled, shaking her head in amusement. The beautiful woman, no longer a girl, walked over and opened the door for her, pulling her into a friendly embrace. Jackie's hair was longer fuller, and smelled faintly of flowers. The California sun was warm against their skins.

And everything was comfortable again. No, better than comfortable.

Wonderful.

….

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